Title: There But for the Grace of Not Getting Bit
Rating: PG
Summary: Oz's thoughts during Doppelgangland
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. Some lines and the title are from the episode.



There But for the Grace of Not Getting Bit

To find out demons and vampires were real made sense. It fit in with the pattern of the town he lived in. It sucked, often in a literal sense, but it didn’t astound him.

To find out the one person he loved was a vampire did not make sense. It had absolutely no compatibility with
the rhythm with which his life was played. It sucked, in a literal sense, and it completely devastated him.

“Get Buffy. Do it now.”

How the words even managed to leave his throat, he’d never know. But somehow there had to be a supernatural
explanation. Willow could not be and was not dead.

But she was dead. She changed before his eyes and his heart died inside. Nothing existed outside of the tunnel
vision that held onto her demonic visage.

He needed to move, he needed to act. Sandy fell to the floor and he was still bound. Too late did he cry out and
try to stop the horror.

“Willow. You don't wanna do this.” He’d just sent one vampire off with good intentions. Could there be another? If not
Buffy might as well put a stake in his heart after she did Willow.

“I don't? But I'm so good at it.”

No, there was nothing there. Nothing inside of him either. Nothing but the desire to meet the vampire who had sired
her.

“Who did this to you?”

“I know you.” Her eyes narrowed in recognition and disgust. She’d wounded him before, but she’d never looked at
him with such hatred. “You're a white hat. How come you're talking to me like we're friends?”

Could she not even remember what they’d had? He felt sick inside.

“Cause he thinks you're someone else. He thinks you're the Willow that belongs in this reality.” Oh, hope. Hope that
he didn’t need to cloud his judgment.

But the new girl talked on and the hope grew. He could sense feeling start to return to his body and a logical train of
thought started to develop.

Then even dead Willow was gone and the waiting. It was unbearable to have to wait and see if his world was actually
gone. He tried not to hope, he tried to have hope. Both were agony.

But she came through the door and it was different. It was new and better and he felt himself come back to life.

A wave. A wave and the world made sense again.